Part 3:
Dr. Hulse’s eyes narrowed as he stared at a screen.
“These nested loops are outrageous! Didn’t the staff listen? We will have a long talk about the dangers of nesting – ”
An alarm pierced the air, blasting an ear-splitting whine.
Red lights flashed dire warnings.
Both scientists scrambled like squirrels through the lab’s branching machinery.
“Total dehydration in sixty seconds! Emergency mousse flush on my mark … now!”
Barlow grabbed a hammer and smashed a glass case on the wall, slamming a hand upon the black button beneath.
A cavernous “WHOOSH” filled the room.
“We’re not beaten yet! Prepare to perform each operation manually.”
“Yez, doctor.”
“We might have to make it up as we go. We’ll rewrite the code on the fly, if need be.”
“No, you certainly will not!” countered a husky voice. “You will do nothing of the sort.”
Aunt Beanie crawled out of the tube and pointed in full fury.
“These nested loops are outrageous! Didn’t the staff listen? We will have a long talk about the dangers of nesting – ”
An alarm pierced the air, blasting an ear-splitting whine.
Red lights flashed dire warnings.
Both scientists scrambled like squirrels through the lab’s branching machinery.
“Total dehydration in sixty seconds! Emergency mousse flush on my mark … now!”
Barlow grabbed a hammer and smashed a glass case on the wall, slamming a hand upon the black button beneath.
A cavernous “WHOOSH” filled the room.
“We’re not beaten yet! Prepare to perform each operation manually.”
“Yez, doctor.”
“We might have to make it up as we go. We’ll rewrite the code on the fly, if need be.”
“No, you certainly will not!” countered a husky voice. “You will do nothing of the sort.”
Aunt Beanie crawled out of the tube and pointed in full fury.
“Don’t you come near me, you ... monster!”
A flat flop twisted at the front of her hair.
The back shot in wild directions.
The whole thing blared neon purple.
“Madam, please,” Hulse smiled. “Allow me to craft a style befitting your loveliness.”
“You’re a madman. You’re Victor Frankenstein incarnate!”
“Aunt Beanie,” I said, “let them try again. You can’t leave looking like that.”
“I wouldn’t let him near my cat!” She cast a scowl at Dr. Hulse. “I will certainly report you for this horror show you are running.”
The smile on the doctor’s face grew strangely larger.
“Look alive with the pea shooter, Barlow.”
“Is that some sort of threat? Get out of my way.”
“Quickly, my good man, quickly.”
“Ready, Doctor.”
Barlow produced a tiny crossbow and fired it.
“THUNK!”
A feathered dart sat embedded in Aunt Beanie’s neck.
She fluttered briefly and fell into the outstretched arms of Rensselaer Hulse.
A flat flop twisted at the front of her hair.
The back shot in wild directions.
The whole thing blared neon purple.
“Madam, please,” Hulse smiled. “Allow me to craft a style befitting your loveliness.”
“You’re a madman. You’re Victor Frankenstein incarnate!”
“Aunt Beanie,” I said, “let them try again. You can’t leave looking like that.”
“I wouldn’t let him near my cat!” She cast a scowl at Dr. Hulse. “I will certainly report you for this horror show you are running.”
The smile on the doctor’s face grew strangely larger.
“Look alive with the pea shooter, Barlow.”
“Is that some sort of threat? Get out of my way.”
“Quickly, my good man, quickly.”
“Ready, Doctor.”
Barlow produced a tiny crossbow and fired it.
“THUNK!”
A feathered dart sat embedded in Aunt Beanie’s neck.
She fluttered briefly and fell into the outstretched arms of Rensselaer Hulse.
“Hurry!” he said. “Help me get her back into the Follicizer.”
“Are you crazy? You shot my aunt! Rick, call the police.”
“Ms. Hatcher-Hyung, science is messy. If you wish it to be old men flying keys on kites in thunderstorms, study fairy tales.”
“What was in the dart?” Rick asked.
“Merely a tranquilizer. A perfectly zafe zedative.”
“It’s true, she’ll be fine,” Hulse said. “But … what of her hair? I can still salvage this, you know.”
“Could have fooled us.”
“I’m no wishful dreamer. Keenly aware of my own failings. This machine, sir, is not one of them.”
“All right,” Rick said, helping load Aunt Beanie in the tube. “Do that again? I’ll shave your head.”
“Understood,” the doctor nodded, hurrying to restart his operation.
I pondered the chances of success.
Could they really turn her from medusa back to matriarch?
“Textual spectrum is under full control. Body statement has been successfully recompiled.”
“Ze diffuzerz are delivering a ninety-nine perzent yield.”
“Excellent. Now, if I can just … got it! Chemical cascade is back online.”
Dr. Hulse strode before his main console.
With a voice of supreme confidence, he declared, “Let us now create great beauty.”
Instrumentation got tuned and nurtured and cajoled.
Sputtering buzzes turned to purrs upon each correction.
Aunt Beanie dozed in a world of blips and beeps.
“OK, this is it. First a bronzing frost, then a split-end stabilizer."
“Yez, doctor."
“And now cue the collation sequence. Follicle integrity is too low for anything more.”
In a flurry of keystrokes, Hulse called the procedure complete.
Rick and I stood awaiting the results.
Aunt Beanie was extracted from the Follicizer and given a reviving injection.
Barlow shoved a mirror in her face as soon as her eyes opened.
Aunt Beanie’s hair was that of a supermodel.
Marvelous curls swept high, delicate tendrils dangled low; every strand merged together in complex harmony.
Her hair blazed like twenty-four-karat gold chestnuts.
She walked up to Dr. Hulse, cupped his face and planted a long, slow kiss on his lips.
“Are you crazy? You shot my aunt! Rick, call the police.”
“Ms. Hatcher-Hyung, science is messy. If you wish it to be old men flying keys on kites in thunderstorms, study fairy tales.”
“What was in the dart?” Rick asked.
“Merely a tranquilizer. A perfectly zafe zedative.”
“It’s true, she’ll be fine,” Hulse said. “But … what of her hair? I can still salvage this, you know.”
“Could have fooled us.”
“I’m no wishful dreamer. Keenly aware of my own failings. This machine, sir, is not one of them.”
“All right,” Rick said, helping load Aunt Beanie in the tube. “Do that again? I’ll shave your head.”
“Understood,” the doctor nodded, hurrying to restart his operation.
I pondered the chances of success.
Could they really turn her from medusa back to matriarch?
“Textual spectrum is under full control. Body statement has been successfully recompiled.”
“Ze diffuzerz are delivering a ninety-nine perzent yield.”
“Excellent. Now, if I can just … got it! Chemical cascade is back online.”
Dr. Hulse strode before his main console.
With a voice of supreme confidence, he declared, “Let us now create great beauty.”
Instrumentation got tuned and nurtured and cajoled.
Sputtering buzzes turned to purrs upon each correction.
Aunt Beanie dozed in a world of blips and beeps.
“OK, this is it. First a bronzing frost, then a split-end stabilizer."
“Yez, doctor."
“And now cue the collation sequence. Follicle integrity is too low for anything more.”
In a flurry of keystrokes, Hulse called the procedure complete.
Rick and I stood awaiting the results.
Aunt Beanie was extracted from the Follicizer and given a reviving injection.
Barlow shoved a mirror in her face as soon as her eyes opened.
Aunt Beanie’s hair was that of a supermodel.
Marvelous curls swept high, delicate tendrils dangled low; every strand merged together in complex harmony.
Her hair blazed like twenty-four-karat gold chestnuts.
She walked up to Dr. Hulse, cupped his face and planted a long, slow kiss on his lips.
Aunt Beanie happily attended cousin Amy’s wedding.
Her appearance generated a great deal of compliments.
When asked who had styled her hair, she replied, “Some student at the local barber college.”
Other than a text from Dr. Hulse asking, “How’s that aunt of yours doing?” the incident never again got mentioned.
Dr. Hulse recently gained preliminary approval from the Food and Drug Administration.
Coif-Com International plans to have units installed in twenty major cities in the next year.
The Follicizer will soon be coming to a salon near you.
Her appearance generated a great deal of compliments.
When asked who had styled her hair, she replied, “Some student at the local barber college.”
Other than a text from Dr. Hulse asking, “How’s that aunt of yours doing?” the incident never again got mentioned.
Dr. Hulse recently gained preliminary approval from the Food and Drug Administration.
Coif-Com International plans to have units installed in twenty major cities in the next year.
The Follicizer will soon be coming to a salon near you.