Part 1:
“Have any of you been to the Emporium?" Genevieve asked.
“What is the Emporium?" Rick replied.
“You know that guy I'm dating?"
“Randy. The foot guy."
“His title is Dr. Randal Gurz. A podiatrist."
“He has his own emporium?" Dale buzzed. “What is that, like an opium den?"
“Yes, it's an opium den," Gen replied. “He's a podiatrist-slash-illegal drug dealer."
“Geez, can't a guy ask a question," the lion mumbled.
“An emporium is like a store or shop or market," I said.
“Thank you, Josie."
“You're telling us he has such a place?" Rick said. “For podiatry."
“Yes! Called the Creative Healing Emporium for Feet."
“Wow."
“It's known as CHEF, for short."
“What is the Emporium?" Rick replied.
“You know that guy I'm dating?"
“Randy. The foot guy."
“His title is Dr. Randal Gurz. A podiatrist."
“He has his own emporium?" Dale buzzed. “What is that, like an opium den?"
“Yes, it's an opium den," Gen replied. “He's a podiatrist-slash-illegal drug dealer."
“Geez, can't a guy ask a question," the lion mumbled.
“An emporium is like a store or shop or market," I said.
“Thank you, Josie."
“You're telling us he has such a place?" Rick said. “For podiatry."
“Yes! Called the Creative Healing Emporium for Feet."
“Wow."
“It's known as CHEF, for short."
“He named his place CHEF?" Rick asked. “Like a cooking store?"
“It's catchy."
“A bit highbrow, no? Doesn't he scrape bunions for a living?"
“He does a lot more than that."
“But it's all feet, right?"
“Mostly. Yeah, I guess."
“Hey everybody, come and meet the foot Chef. Let's have a toenail omelette!
“Now you're just being stupid," Genevieve laughed.
“It's catchy."
“A bit highbrow, no? Doesn't he scrape bunions for a living?"
“He does a lot more than that."
“But it's all feet, right?"
“Mostly. Yeah, I guess."
“Hey everybody, come and meet the foot Chef. Let's have a toenail omelette!
“Now you're just being stupid," Genevieve laughed.
“So this Emporium, it's like a doctor's office?" Dale asked.
“It's way much more than that."
“How so? What makes it an emporium?"
“There's no criteria, he can call it whatever he wants."
“I beg to differ," Rick said. “I can't open a bookstore, then call it a billiards hall. That's wrong."
“Good call," Dale added. “This place sounds sketchy. Very suss."
“We don't need a Magic 8-ball to know that."
“It's way much more than that."
“How so? What makes it an emporium?"
“There's no criteria, he can call it whatever he wants."
“I beg to differ," Rick said. “I can't open a bookstore, then call it a billiards hall. That's wrong."
“Good call," Dale added. “This place sounds sketchy. Very suss."
“We don't need a Magic 8-ball to know that."
“OK, you want to know why it's an emporium?
“Enlighten us," Rick said.
“There's a staff at CHEF. A variety of services. Massages. Pedicures. Skin repair."
“You don't say."
“And vendors, too, selling things. Orthopedic shoes. Homeopathic balms. Decorative toe rings."
“I get it."
“Randy even has his own line of special socks! People love them."
“A podiatrist with his own line of socks. A bit on-the-nose, don't you think?"
“Hmm, more like on-the-toes!" Dale shouted. “Get it? Ha!"
“I think we should see the emporium," I said. “Sounds awesome. Maybe we can have a backstage tour?"
“We can definitely do that."
“Right now?" Rick asked. “Okay. Let's go to CHEF."
A leery face befell Dale as we got into the car.
“Make sure he knows my paws are off-limits."
“Hopefully he'll control himself."
“You know that story about the monkey's paw? Scary. He best not monkey with me. I'm just sayin'."
A short drive later, the four of us arrived at CHEF headquarters.
But soon enough?
Dale was right.
We discovered monkey business afoot.
“Enlighten us," Rick said.
“There's a staff at CHEF. A variety of services. Massages. Pedicures. Skin repair."
“You don't say."
“And vendors, too, selling things. Orthopedic shoes. Homeopathic balms. Decorative toe rings."
“I get it."
“Randy even has his own line of special socks! People love them."
“A podiatrist with his own line of socks. A bit on-the-nose, don't you think?"
“Hmm, more like on-the-toes!" Dale shouted. “Get it? Ha!"
“I think we should see the emporium," I said. “Sounds awesome. Maybe we can have a backstage tour?"
“We can definitely do that."
“Right now?" Rick asked. “Okay. Let's go to CHEF."
A leery face befell Dale as we got into the car.
“Make sure he knows my paws are off-limits."
“Hopefully he'll control himself."
“You know that story about the monkey's paw? Scary. He best not monkey with me. I'm just sayin'."
A short drive later, the four of us arrived at CHEF headquarters.
But soon enough?
Dale was right.
We discovered monkey business afoot.