Part 3:
Our interviews on the Halloween Circus Express continued.
6) Abby Hemlock
“Hello, thanks for meeting us," I began. “You're an acrobat?"
“I am THE acrobat. Get it right, cookie," replied a crazy face under blonde pigtails.
“Whoa, whoa," Dale said. “Let's all be nice. No need for that."
“I'm the biggest draw on this train. Rex must be eating some bad boogers to suspect me."
“What are you saying?"
“I'm a star. I'm saying that I don't stoop for scraps."
“OK, you don't stoop."
“Here's the deal. The crowd comes, first and foremost, to watch me do triple flips. I don't need to steal, cookie."
6) Abby Hemlock
“Hello, thanks for meeting us," I began. “You're an acrobat?"
“I am THE acrobat. Get it right, cookie," replied a crazy face under blonde pigtails.
“Whoa, whoa," Dale said. “Let's all be nice. No need for that."
“I'm the biggest draw on this train. Rex must be eating some bad boogers to suspect me."
“What are you saying?"
“I'm a star. I'm saying that I don't stoop for scraps."
“OK, you don't stoop."
“Here's the deal. The crowd comes, first and foremost, to watch me do triple flips. I don't need to steal, cookie."
7) Conductis the Wise
“Conductis?" I asked.
“Greetings. Be at peace."
“You can ... speak to electricity?"
“It speaks to me."
“Can you predict the future?"
“I feel the shifts in life's energy."
“That's a fancy ‘no,' if you ask me," Dale whispered.
Conductis waved a hand and Dale's mane stood completely on end, alive with static energy.
“I was joking! I was joking!"
His mane relaxed back to normal.
“I do not care for money. For currency. Just the sea of the current."
“I know about static energy," I said. “It creates lightning, right? From ice particles in the clouds?"
“You are most wise yourself," he answered. “May your bright spark rise ever higher."
“Conductis?" I asked.
“Greetings. Be at peace."
“You can ... speak to electricity?"
“It speaks to me."
“Can you predict the future?"
“I feel the shifts in life's energy."
“That's a fancy ‘no,' if you ask me," Dale whispered.
Conductis waved a hand and Dale's mane stood completely on end, alive with static energy.
“I was joking! I was joking!"
His mane relaxed back to normal.
“I do not care for money. For currency. Just the sea of the current."
“I know about static energy," I said. “It creates lightning, right? From ice particles in the clouds?"
“You are most wise yourself," he answered. “May your bright spark rise ever higher."
8) Screemz the Clown
“You're a clown?" I asked.
“Of course."
“You don't really look like a clown," Dale blurted.
Not a muscle on her face moved.
“Yeah, your only makeup is eye shadow," I added.
“I'm the finest in my field."
“Lady, if you tell us you leave 'em all dying with laughter," Dale said, “I'm outta here right now."
Her head tilted slightly as she pondered the statement.
“That's very funny," she replied, her eyes as still as tombstones. “Perhaps I will use that."
We still have no idea if she was joking.
“You're a clown?" I asked.
“Of course."
“You don't really look like a clown," Dale blurted.
Not a muscle on her face moved.
“Yeah, your only makeup is eye shadow," I added.
“I'm the finest in my field."
“Lady, if you tell us you leave 'em all dying with laughter," Dale said, “I'm outta here right now."
Her head tilted slightly as she pondered the statement.
“That's very funny," she replied, her eyes as still as tombstones. “Perhaps I will use that."
We still have no idea if she was joking.
9) Smokehead
“Hello, you're the last person on our list."
“I. Am. Smokehead."
“Hi there."
“The. Magnificent."
“Smokehead the Magnificent, gotcha," Dale said.
“Innocent. Am. I."
“Well, what about this: where there's smoke, there's fire? How do – ow! Why'd you kick me?"
“I'm sorry," I said, “he's just being funny. Time for us to go."
“Follow. Me. On. Instagram."
“Hello, you're the last person on our list."
“I. Am. Smokehead."
“Hi there."
“The. Magnificent."
“Smokehead the Magnificent, gotcha," Dale said.
“Innocent. Am. I."
“Well, what about this: where there's smoke, there's fire? How do – ow! Why'd you kick me?"
“I'm sorry," I said, “he's just being funny. Time for us to go."
“Follow. Me. On. Instagram."
We returned, without answers, to the engine at the front of the train.
“Mr. Umbrella? Rex. Sorry. We don't know the thief. We tried."
“You have some weirdos, sure," Dale said. “It's OK. I like weirdos. But none fit the crime."
“That is because," he said wearily, “none of them are criminals."
“What?"
“I'd hoped it was one of them. But alas, I've learned the truth."
“Who was it? Who's the identity thief?"
“It appears it's Robbie," he stated.
“Robbie?"
“Yes. My young son, Robbie."
“Mr. Umbrella? Rex. Sorry. We don't know the thief. We tried."
“You have some weirdos, sure," Dale said. “It's OK. I like weirdos. But none fit the crime."
“That is because," he said wearily, “none of them are criminals."
“What?"
“I'd hoped it was one of them. But alas, I've learned the truth."
“Who was it? Who's the identity thief?"
“It appears it's Robbie," he stated.
“Robbie?"
“Yes. My young son, Robbie."
“He's always been a reliable student. So I give him the benefit of the doubt. But no longer."
“Aw, he's just a little guy."
“Don't be too hard on him," I pleaded.
“I won't. Don't worry. And this failure, ultimately, is on me."
“Everyone makes mistakes."
“Mistakes, yes. But I can't risk the circus. The performers? My responsibility. Yet so is my son."
“You'll get this fixed. Don't worry."
“The show is about to begin," he said. “Come. You are our special guests for the evening."
Rex and Robbie led us out for the start of the festivities.
For a spectacle unlike anything we'd ever seen in our lives.
And hours later, afterwards, as we watched the caboose disappear into the distance?
I knew two things:
That mucus vampires make great ringmasters, as well as pretty good dads.
And that someday – far in the future – Dale and I just might seek employment with the Greatest Show (Not) On Earth.
“Aw, he's just a little guy."
“Don't be too hard on him," I pleaded.
“I won't. Don't worry. And this failure, ultimately, is on me."
“Everyone makes mistakes."
“Mistakes, yes. But I can't risk the circus. The performers? My responsibility. Yet so is my son."
“You'll get this fixed. Don't worry."
“The show is about to begin," he said. “Come. You are our special guests for the evening."
Rex and Robbie led us out for the start of the festivities.
For a spectacle unlike anything we'd ever seen in our lives.
And hours later, afterwards, as we watched the caboose disappear into the distance?
I knew two things:
That mucus vampires make great ringmasters, as well as pretty good dads.
And that someday – far in the future – Dale and I just might seek employment with the Greatest Show (Not) On Earth.