Part 2:
My weekly cleaning duties continued.
Saturday morning churned along.
Soon, it brought the first shopper of the day.
There is one unassailable rule for customers. The area you are cleaning? It becomes the most interesting part of the store.
Right on cue, the gentleman wandered my way.
He looked pleasant enough. And quite tall.
“Can I help you?" I said.
“Thanks, I'm just browsing."
Something grabbed his eye.
He reached down and picked up a carpet repair kit.
“How much is this?"
And then - like I couldn't see what he was holding? - he lifts it up for my inspection.
And rams his hand directly into the many items overhead!
They angrily clanged and dinged like off-key church bells.
But worst of all? He'd banged into the little whale from Hawaii.
THE LITTLE WHALE FROM HAWAII!
Saturday morning churned along.
Soon, it brought the first shopper of the day.
There is one unassailable rule for customers. The area you are cleaning? It becomes the most interesting part of the store.
Right on cue, the gentleman wandered my way.
He looked pleasant enough. And quite tall.
“Can I help you?" I said.
“Thanks, I'm just browsing."
Something grabbed his eye.
He reached down and picked up a carpet repair kit.
“How much is this?"
And then - like I couldn't see what he was holding? - he lifts it up for my inspection.
And rams his hand directly into the many items overhead!
They angrily clanged and dinged like off-key church bells.
But worst of all? He'd banged into the little whale from Hawaii.
THE LITTLE WHALE FROM HAWAII!
“I'm sorry, I'm sorry," said the man, clearly embarrassed.
“It's OK," I replied in my best customer service voice as I silently cursed the doofus. “Those are $19.99."
“Alright, thank you."
He looked around some more, at this, at that, and then proceeded to leave.
Yet even with him gone ... he remained.
His cologne.
It lingered unapologetically in the aisle.
Blasting me with high-octane fumes.
A combination of musk and mustard and Milk of Magnesia.
Does cologne spoil?
Wow.
Even worse?
I'd had a bloody nose before work; my nasal passages were still tender.
Tender and tenuous.
There was no turning back.
I unleashed a giant sneeze explosion, covering the display with nasal shrapnel!
Mucus and gunk.
Microbes and snot.
Everywhere.
“It's OK," I replied in my best customer service voice as I silently cursed the doofus. “Those are $19.99."
“Alright, thank you."
He looked around some more, at this, at that, and then proceeded to leave.
Yet even with him gone ... he remained.
His cologne.
It lingered unapologetically in the aisle.
Blasting me with high-octane fumes.
A combination of musk and mustard and Milk of Magnesia.
Does cologne spoil?
Wow.
Even worse?
I'd had a bloody nose before work; my nasal passages were still tender.
Tender and tenuous.
There was no turning back.
I unleashed a giant sneeze explosion, covering the display with nasal shrapnel!
Mucus and gunk.
Microbes and snot.
Everywhere.
All my hard work!
Destroyed in the wink of a nose.
And my main victim?
The most expensive item of the bunch.
A shimmering, shining spiral of chocolate gold, showing a large Maszdae diamond, a Calazzo sapphire, and a smaller, pointed Maszdae diamond down below.
It's gorgeous!
I wiped away bodily fluids as fast as possible.
And submerged the piece in a piping hot bucket of soapy water.
And even applied a generous dollop of hand sanitizer!
It shone just as clean as the day it was made.
Destroyed in the wink of a nose.
And my main victim?
The most expensive item of the bunch.
A shimmering, shining spiral of chocolate gold, showing a large Maszdae diamond, a Calazzo sapphire, and a smaller, pointed Maszdae diamond down below.
It's gorgeous!
I wiped away bodily fluids as fast as possible.
And submerged the piece in a piping hot bucket of soapy water.
And even applied a generous dollop of hand sanitizer!
It shone just as clean as the day it was made.
As I finished cleaning, I pondered its significance.
Not mucus, of course.
Gold.
What is it, really?
Gold is an element with an atomic weight of 79.
Classified as a transitional metal.
Universally solid at room temperature.
It certainly cannot be found, overflowing from pots, at the end of rainbows.
That fact is not up for debate.
And yet?
The idea persists.
In legends. In stories. Even in advertisements on television.
It’s a powerful thought.
More powerful than an atomic number?
Perhaps.
So ... what’s a scientist to do?
Maybe just keep cleaning and try to stop sneezing.
Not mucus, of course.
Gold.
What is it, really?
Gold is an element with an atomic weight of 79.
Classified as a transitional metal.
Universally solid at room temperature.
It certainly cannot be found, overflowing from pots, at the end of rainbows.
That fact is not up for debate.
And yet?
The idea persists.
In legends. In stories. Even in advertisements on television.
It’s a powerful thought.
More powerful than an atomic number?
Perhaps.
So ... what’s a scientist to do?
Maybe just keep cleaning and try to stop sneezing.